I want retrospect in the present.

The story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden is perhaps one of the most well-known stories around the world.  Retold again and again, many people have misinterpreted the story or made assumptions about it, drawing conclusions that have no concrete basis in the text itself.  In relation to the actual story of Adam and Eve (the one found in the Bible), Emily Dickinson, in her poem “Eden is that old-fashioned House”, describes the life Adam and Even had in the Garden of Eden and the departure from Eden.  Adam and Eve, who live in Eden everyday, are innocent and ignorant, two characteristics that comes from a lack of knowledge.  They live unsuspectingly of evil and sin, not recognizing their nakedness and lacking the ability to foresee the consequences of eating the fruit off of the tree of knowledge.  Eden is a place where they “dwell in every day / without suspecting [their] abode” (ln 2-3).

When Eve eats the fruit and then gives the fruit to Adam to eat, they leave their state of innocence and gain knowledge that cannot be unlearned, thus marking their inability to return to their former state.  Adam and Eve leave Eden without any conflict and “[saunter] from the Door” (ln 6), and due to their development, they can “discover it no more” (ln 8).  They would not be able to walk around Eden naked; instead, they would want to wear the clothes that God made for them.  Eve will not be able un-become the mother of all the living and unlearn the pain of childbirth, and both Adam and Even will never lose the knowledge of good and evil.  They will never be able to return to a state of blissful innocence in which they are not aware that they are not aware of something.

As a child, I was not aware of what my life was like in my home.  I did not know a life in which my parents were not there to teach me, to make decisions for me, and to perform tasks that I could not do myself.  My parents made every decision that affected my life, such as initially choosing to sign me up for soccer and basketball or setting aside money for my future.  God set the rules for Adam and Eve, in a way making their decisions for them, and they lived in blissful innocence, as I did as a child and am right now, even if it is not so blissful anymore.

While I will not “[saunter] from the Door”, in a casual and relaxed manner, I will leave my home without much thought, having known for a years that after high school, I will move away to a different city and live separately from my parents.  I can guess what my home means to me, but I will not truly know the significance of living with my family until I move away.  However, the terrible thing is, once I move away, I can never return.  Adam and Eve, while living in Eden, do not recognize their great living conditions until they are forced to leave; everyday they live without any worries and have an endless supply of fruit to eat.

A great majority of people have encountered at least one person who talks about their high school days and their college adventures.  I always thought that these people had such remarkable things happen to them, and I lived a bland life with no incredible stories to recount if I were to ever share anything about me.  As I come to the end of my high school career, I am starting to wonder if it is the notion that one cannot return to being a teenager that makes a simple event, such as stopping at a truck stop on a band field trip, into a significant and remarkable event.  One does not recognize the uniqueness of Adam and Eve’s living situation until they are forced to go.  I anticipate that the unsuspecting stories of my childhood and teenage years are the ones I am going to reminisce about as I grow older and depart from my teenage years.

Perhaps what I am most afraid of is not that my home will change or my parents will change, but that I will change.  Because I have lived my entire life under the roof of my parents, I am afraid that living out on my own will alter me.  I will lose the quirky things that characterize me, habits that I have acquired because I have lived in such a secure environment for 18 years.  These little things somehow make me feel like I have a connection with my parents, a connection that I perceive is weakening between my sister, who is in college, and my parents and that I fear I will lose.  When my sister comes home, she is different; she does not accept the strange things we do as a family, criticizing the family traditions that she used to partake in.  Even though I know that our family dynamic has adjusted to her absence, it seems as though she is the one who has changed the most, not us, because she now lives with other people, and I do not want to be another misfit in my family when I return.  I may not outwardly show it, but I like my family members and prefer to be like them rather than adopt the customs of the others.  I know change is inevitable, but I would like it if I could avoid it for a while.

Ender's Game ! ! !

For those who have read Ender's Game, this is too great not to share.

At MIT.  Source of photos.

Mi est visum

Advice freely floats around in everyday conversation, from the simple reminder to put on pants before leaving the house to choosing whether one should buy the house he or she really likes but cannot afford.  However, the hardest part is not seeking sound advice but rather deciding whether or not to follow the recommendations.  I often wonder if a person really has my interests in their best intentions and whether or not they know me well enough for the advice to actually be applicable to my situation.  While I have received and followed advice from others, I do not hold them in as high a regard as the guidance I receive from my parents.  I know, undoubtedly, that their advice will always hold true within the limits of their knowledge.

As a child, I perhaps was a little egocentric and thought I was the smartest of the class.  I could read and write before entering kindergarten.  I thought I was great, considering that I knew that the word “know” was not spelled like how it sounded and was proud when a parent thought I was brilliant for knowing that.  I even distinctly remember telling the teacher I was the best reader in the class, which is now embarrassing to admit.  While my parents did recognize my fast development, they kept on advising me that I should be aware of the people who were better, smarter, and stronger than me.  In my childhood, I regarded myself as one of those people who were better, smarter, and stronger than the rest of the population and did not really believe in my parents’ advice.

When more years passed, I started to realize my limitations.  People were just inherently better at me at some things than I was.  Some of my peers were more athletic, more musical, or more intellectually inclined, and my parents’ advice to always know that there were these types of people in the world resurfaced.  As I crossed the boundary into middle school and then into high school, I could not keep this statement out of my head.  I found that its purpose was not meant to shame me into thinking that I was the worst person out there and not as good as everyone else, nor was it meant into making me think I was a member of the elite group of people who were the best, the smartest, and the strongest.  Rather, it taught me to be self-aware and analyze myself from a third-person perspective.  I started to recognize my position with respect to other people, which sort of niche I belonged to in high school, and where I fell in that small group of people.

A very fine line exists between knowing one’s abilities and being arrogant and egotistical.  While I definitely recognize the extent of some of my abilities may be greater than those of other people, I also know that I am not the best and am actually very far from being it.  I am fully aware that I do not possess the skills and abilities that other people naturally have.  Even though people may perceive me to be arrogant and conceited, I am very aware of what I can and cannot do.

Even though I hate to mention it, the college application process, which is in the minds of many, if not all, of the students writing this assignment, has strengthened my belief in my parents’ advice that I received when I was five.  Every time I answer one of the questions that ask what attribute of my personality I am most proud of or what is my best accomplishment, I have to evaluate myself and become aware of role I fulfill, or, in other words, know who I am.  I have come to the realization that the accomplishments and skills that I am most proud about myself will not be impressive when compared to some super-student who has the same interests as me but has done everything with ten times the success I have had.  Still, I should not not apply just because someone looks more spectacular on paper than I am.

While it may seem like my parents’ advice to always be aware of those who are greater than I could ever be makes me feel inferior, it actually has contributed to my motivation and determination to always be moving forward, learning new things, and discovering new concepts.  The knowledge that humans can split the atom and build a space station (things super smart people figured out) gives me the hope that maybe I can do something amazing in my future, and I aspire to do things I cannot do now.  Even though I may not ever achieve something as big as developing the nuclear bomb, I work hard toward having the possibility of doing what others innately are able to do.  I just wish to reach the upper bound of my reaction range.